I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
