i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
