she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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