My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
