Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
