you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
