I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
