One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize