Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if only i could text you this smell
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
