I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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