I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
