dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
