The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
