Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
