You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
