I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
