Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize