definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
