You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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