this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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