so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
