roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
