Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
