I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
