just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
