Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
