our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
