Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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