ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
