6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
