we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
