Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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