I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
