I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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