oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
