when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
