Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i think my cat just said my name.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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