it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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