I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
