I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
