Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
