I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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