Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
