I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
