somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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