I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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