oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
