he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
