she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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