Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
