you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
