every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
