uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
