Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just found puke in my bra..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
