wat bout pragnant strippers??
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
