a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
