Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Randomize
