I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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