I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
