She said her name was "party"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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