I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
