I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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