I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
