I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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