The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
