Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My feet surprised me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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