i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize