You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Bring me that man meat
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
