pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
