And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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