the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
