Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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